What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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