WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
