NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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