Whod you bang
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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