I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
