I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
