....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
