I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
