I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
