jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
