Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
