haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
