I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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