sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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