I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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