im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Acid is not a monday night drug
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
