I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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