'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
