If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You ruined the universe
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