I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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