it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
