She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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