i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize