Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize