Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
