Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
