This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
