How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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