omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Randomize
