both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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