ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
