pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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