but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
