Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
nutella sex= disaster
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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