I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
