New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
