There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
