If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
