He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My dad just said "fuck circus"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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