we're blogging at a bar
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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