OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
