Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
