I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
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