i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
