I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You may now shotgun with the bride
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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