Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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