i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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