Do vagina's smell?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
