Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
worst night to have a conscience
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I fill condoms, not promises.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I did not marry a roomba.
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