Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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