nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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