Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
