Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
