His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize