I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
