You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
