just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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