i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
home. puking in laundry basket.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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