im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
