Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
