What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
