I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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