I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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