all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
