The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
