i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize