Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You need Xanax blowdarts
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
