We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
