I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
