Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We left an ass print on the piano.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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