i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
