Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
